Sometimes I think about what last call maybe like. I often wonder what it’s like when you take that last breath. I think about how the soul just flies off to a new life. When I catch myself I realize that it’s mortality knocking to let me know that I must always remember how I live. I hate the idea that I don’t know what to expect. There is no guaranteed entry into a fluffy cloud kingdom and no proof of an underground sauna. I question if I am living right and if that peace we all desperately want will be with me. Mortality knocks and she knocks loudly. When I see myself in the mirror I wonder will I be myself, or will I be myself at a point in time where my life was at its best. I then go on to wonder what if me and Lady Mortality sat down for some coffee what would happen. What questions would I ask Lady Mortality? I think I would ask if i’m walking the right way. I would ask mortality many things but more importantly to please knock softly and only three times.
You ever get the feeling the world is rooting for you to fail? It seems like the more outrageous you want to be the more everyone wants to bury you. During times when I feel like my walls are closing in I simply just extend my arms and scream out. I know it sounds like it’s something dramatic on my part but it works. I’ve lived a lifetime trying to please others and trying to gain a favorable perception. The truth is that the only thing that I should concern myself with is my own happiness.
When the world is against you and rooting for you to fail you need to be most inspired. If nothing else just for the sake of making everyone eat a nice bowl of steaming shit, yes I wrote the word shit. Next time you find yourself in that really awkward spot feeling sorry for yourself and like the world is your biggest enemy, fight only to make everyone understand that their opinion is meaningless. This is not some sort of ridiculous attempt at arrogance but an attempt at surviving and thriving with grace. My points are best validated by the following list:
- Not everyone has the courage to follow their heart.
- Not everyone admires or understands courage.
- People will judge when they are too disgusted with their own lives in order to improve.
- People will attack because they only know fear.
- People will constantly ridicule because jealousy drives them to do so.
When the feeling gets you remember to scream out and move on. As you move forward and you get farther away from the people that attack you it’s easy to see how behind they really are.
Dogs are more often than not credited as being man’s best friend and a factor in enjoying a slightly lengthier quality of life. Like every living dogs eventually find an expiration date. The problem with that expiration date is that we the owners have to make that decision. So how exactly do we say goodbye to an old friend?
I recently had to deal with the very difficult decision of putting my dog to sleep. The last few days I could tell she was in some real pain. Hip Dysplasia had affected my dog as well as an enormous loss of muscle mass in her hindquarters. I sat with my wife and son and discussed all the possibilities for our dog. At the end of a lengthy and tear filled discussion we realized that there were no options.
We made a decision to have our dog euthanized and made an appointment with the veterinarian. When the day came our old friend was weaker than ever but still willing to behave in the vet’s office. Those last few minutes we were asked if we wanted to remain for the procedure and we answered yes. We witnessed our dog taking her last breaths and leaving for a better life. We took our time and petted her once more and said goodbye. When we walked out we realized we had made the right decision for our dog as hard as it was. We were with our companion until the end and said goodbye the right way.
Sometimes I like to sit back and wonder and sometimes I lean forward and continue to wonder. I wait and wait and then wait some more. Answers seem to elude me and the question is simple. Life is fickle and sometimes impossible to understand but I keep trying. People come in and they leave and the big deals you want just sort of get away without notice. So why exactly do we continue to care? Why do we fight on? Every damn time this life just seems so very clouded and unreal.
There are the little moments though like splashing water in the beach or skipping stones across a small creek. There is that wonderful smile of a loved one or that quick achievement that stays ingrained in everyone’s long term memory. I still lean forward and wonder and then I wonder some more.
Eventually I see myself sitting in a celestial chair that’s caressed by the colors in the cosmic palette. Stars fly around me and everything aligns and falls out of alignment with sensational precision. I look around and wait for an answer to my question. Why is life such a fickle proposition? I will never get it, not even if I lived a million years. The universe and its order are a mystery, so is life, everything is fickle. Our job is to adapt and change with the order of things, not really to spend a lifetime questioning them.
Life can be so unpredictable sometimes. It’s like you are in a field and you have this perfect plan to make things go your way. All of a sudden the place that you are standing on turns into quick sand and you slowly watch yourself drown. Every little thing you think of just kind of serves as weight on your mind. All of this weight makes you heavier and helps you descend faster. Ultimately you have the option to close your eyes and open them in a split second or drown. When you open them in a split second things change and you can grab a rope and come back up. If your eyes stay closed you find yourself paralyzed. Your plan goes up in smoke or it simply drowns with you.
I prefer to adjust and adapt because when I do adapt and I do adjust I can combat that feeling of drowning. I have seen myself near the abyss multiple times and I rather enjoy the idea of staying away from it. The view to the top where there is no end is much better looking down to a place with no real end. Quicksand is there and it will force your will one way or another but what you do is what determines if the quicksand is your ultimate hinderance or your ultimate impetus.
crazymuthayouneverheard78 