Sometimes I think about what last call maybe like. I often wonder what it’s like when you take that last breath. I think about how the soul just flies off to a new life. When I catch myself I realize that it’s mortality knocking to let me know that I must always remember how I live. I hate the idea that I don’t know what to expect. There is no guaranteed entry into a fluffy cloud kingdom and no proof of an underground sauna. I question if I am living right and if that peace we all desperately want will be with me. Mortality knocks and she knocks loudly. When I see myself in the mirror I wonder will I be myself, or will I be myself at a point in time where my life was at its best. I then go on to wonder what if me and Lady Mortality sat down for some coffee what would happen. What questions would I ask Lady Mortality? I think I would ask if i’m walking the right way. I would ask mortality many things but more importantly to please knock softly and only three times.
Sometimes I like to sit back and wonder and sometimes I lean forward and continue to wonder. I wait and wait and then wait some more. Answers seem to elude me and the question is simple. Life is fickle and sometimes impossible to understand but I keep trying. People come in and they leave and the big deals you want just sort of get away without notice. So why exactly do we continue to care? Why do we fight on? Every damn time this life just seems so very clouded and unreal.
There are the little moments though like splashing water in the beach or skipping stones across a small creek. There is that wonderful smile of a loved one or that quick achievement that stays ingrained in everyone’s long term memory. I still lean forward and wonder and then I wonder some more.
Eventually I see myself sitting in a celestial chair that’s caressed by the colors in the cosmic palette. Stars fly around me and everything aligns and falls out of alignment with sensational precision. I look around and wait for an answer to my question. Why is life such a fickle proposition? I will never get it, not even if I lived a million years. The universe and its order are a mystery, so is life, everything is fickle. Our job is to adapt and change with the order of things, not really to spend a lifetime questioning them.
crazymuthayouneverheard78 